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Fostering Voices Podcast

Nov 9, 2020

None of us know what we are doing as parents and are always looking for solid parenting advice. Julie Lythcott-Haims has some strong suggestions. She may possibly be the most quoted author on our podcast. She is the New York Times Best Selling Author of "How to Raise an Adult: Break free of the overparenting trap and prepare your kid for success", our most recommended book on parenting. Julie has a TedTalk on the same subject that has been watched over 6 MILLION times on YouTube and combined.

Through Julie's amazing graciousness - she is ON THE PODCAST in this episode about parenting, and becoming, and kindness! I died a million deaths of joy and awe before, during, and after the interview. Julie is WISE, and such a strong communicator, and full of kindness and empathy (as evidenced when she started crying within the first 5 minutes of our interview!) For a tiny piece of Julie's resume, she is a Stanford, and Harvard Law grad, and she was the Dean of Freshmen for a decade at Stanford. Which is the kind of resume my parents wish I had! :)

Parenting and more

  • Obviously we talked about parenting. Julie drew a graph of the 4 kinds of parenting styles. In the red are: Authoritarian, Neglectful, Indulgent. The one we are all supposed to strive for is Authoritative. This parenting style has the right mix of relationship and rules. The others have incorrect, or missing elements of relationship and rules.
  • The ARC of Becoming: this is an arc that takes you from being a baby to adulthood. A is for Agency. R is for Resilience. C is for Character. We need to develop this arc for ourselves, and for our kids!
  • Two massive factors in raising successful adults: chores and unconditional love!
  • Julie has a heart for the foster and adoptive community because she found out at the age of 10 that she had a half brother that her mom did not tell her about.
  • A question she asks herself and her friends often: "What are you working on in yourself? Where are your edges? Who are you becoming?"
  • Treating others with Kindness and Dignity will go further than you can ever imagine.

More resources

This episode is on YouTube! Once I get it up, there will be a link here!! Definitely worth watching so you can see Julie, and all of her illustrations! She's such a teacher. :)

You can also listen to this episode we did as a review of "How to Raise an Adult" after we read it! This is another popular parenting episode. And you can check out all of our parenting episodes on our website!

The Good Word of the Day

"We are all just walking each other home."

-Ram Dass "Be Love Now"

When you get to this part of the podcast, you will hear the cheesiest and most sincere sigh from Chris and I! What a beautiful word. And truly something we need to remember: we are all on a journey. Let's walk each other home with kindness and empathy!

If you read 'Real American', Julie's memoir, there are chapters that are SO PAINFUL to read. But if you stopped on a page without reading the next one, you would make a judgment call which is not complete or accurate. That's how it is with everyone you encounter. You are meeting them at a certain chapter of their life. Stick around for the next, and possibly help them to write that next chapter better. And YOU are on a journey as well. You are on a page, in a chapter. The book is not complete yet. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Let's walk each other home.

Connect with Julie! (She loves connecting!)

On her amazing website

She has great resources on Race. Her memoir is a MUST READ.

Her most recommended online Bookstore (no, it's not Amazon). Buying from actually supports small, local bookstores!

On Instagram. That's how we started our conversation!

Her books are available on Audible. And she narrates them! So it's definitely worth pursuing this option, cause it feels like you are sitting with a friend.

If you would like to connect with us:

Fostering Voices on Instagram

Jihae on Instagram and Chris on Facebook

You can also email us at 

AND we would LOVE it if you would SUBSCRIBE and leave us a review on iTunes! This helps others to find our podcast so we can share these voices from the foster care and adoption community with more people!

If you want to see how to leave a review, check out this handy little video!